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Useful safety tips (humor)

April 27, 2009

Remember the scene in Ghostbusters where Egon says; “Don’t cross the streams”?  Here’s some more useful safety tips:

Fire is not necessarily your friend. Neither are dogs. Things with lit fuses should not be held onto. Beware the savage croquet ball. If it is -30 out, put on a coat before you leave the house. Just because the snow keeps you from seeing other objects the objects do not cease to exist. Clotheslines are the enemy of the bicyclist. If you don’t remember how you got on the ground or where the blood came from, don’t get up right away…

All guns are loaded. So are many bows. Trebuchets are for outside use only. The sharp side of the knife goes away from you. Pure reason does not trump brute force but surprisingly few people know what hot peppers look like when the teacher asks if you have enough to share with everyone… Move away from mysterious burglar alarms. Do not append ‘you moron’ to exposition directed at people who have just broken into your building. ‘We need to talk’ is overwhelmingly unlikely to precede good news… Lungs are unsuited for many possible atmospheres, including that of London, and anything with a high content of industrial cleaners. Youth will not save you from Newton’s Laws. Or Darwin’s.

It follows a delightful story about a break-in at a game store.  You’ll have to scroll down about one screen’s worth to get into the good stuff.
(h/t John Wilkins)

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. April 28, 2009 at 00:51 | #1

    My coworkers loved this!  Thanks for posting and keeping us usefully entertained on a slow night.  That was some excellent advice!

  2. April 29, 2009 at 15:21 | #2

    :lol: Loved this. Only one thingee: Darwin’s guesses are not a law. They are a theory. Still. Today. And lotsa holes are in his guesses. Thought you might like to know that inanity.  :-S

  3. May 2, 2009 at 08:02 | #3

    Darwin’ positions may not be “laws” but they certainly are not “guesses.”

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