My son sends me bible verses

Apparently Sunday school wasn’t wasted on him

I have a nasty cold today, which takes the edge off weekend fun.  So it is the perfect day to post a link one of my sons sent to me, for
The Nine Most Bad-Assed Bible Verses Of All Time.  Here’s a sample:

If the Bible had been written by King Leonidas and the rest of the Spartans from 300, it would probably read pretty much the same as it does now. It turns out, the Bible is already chock full of ass kicking. Here are the verses that make us want to take to the streets and put some unbelievers to the sword.
#9;  Exodus 2:11-12

Sure, Moses was a great leader, an emancipator of his people and a prophet. Most people don’t know that he also was the Biblical equivalent of Splinter Cell’s Sam Fisher—a well-honed killing machine, able to slay from the shadows without pity or remorse. Martin Luther King may have had a dream, but Moses had a body count.

You can almost picture the scene: An Egyptian soldier is wailing on a hapless Hebrew when Moses, clothed in head-to- toe black, drops down from the ceiling. Moving with cat-like grace, he sneaks up behind the soldier and, taking his head in his hands, snaps the man’s neck with one savage twist. As the lifeless body slumps to the ground, Moses lights up a cigar. “Well,” he quips, “looks like someone bit off more than he could Jew.”

(I’m going straight to hell for linking to this, aren’t I?)

But almost any bible verse can be made more bad-assed with a little tweaking.  Take Ezekial 25:17 and misquote it significantly.  Put it in a pointlessly violent Quentin Tarantino movie (yes, I know that is a tautology).  And have Samuel L. Jackson perform the 9-minute scene while holding a 9mm pistol in a robber’s face.  Presto!... the restaurant scene from Pulp Fiction. 

(Please note both of the links above have, uh, some profanity.  If that bothers you.)

Posted by George on 12/08/07 at 11:55 AM
observations • Humor •

  1. Do not tell me you didn’t like Pulp Fiction!!!! I do not want to hear it!! Plus, out of all the movies he did that one had the least violence. In fact, there were really only a couple violent scenes…

    And dude, that’s not the infamous Ezekial scene, this is what you want.

    Sorry for the Tarantino rant…
    That Badass Bible site is funny!

    Posted by webs05  on  12/08/07  at  03:05 PM

  2. Where did you get the idea I disliked Pulp Fiction?  It’s one of my favorite movies. 

    And dude, you obviously did not watch to the end of the video I linked either… because at the end of it, Jackson explains what the verse means to him.  It is the poetic recursion of the earlier scene.

    Posted by george.w  on  12/08/07  at  03:15 PM

  3. Oh, I thought you were posting it because that verse goes right along with the Badass Bible Verse site. As a “This is a great example” thing. In which case I like the beginning part for the expression, emotion, and eloquence Sam J. uses. And I also like the end because he explains the verse. I see your point.

    Posted by webs05  on  12/08/07  at  04:23 PM

  4. Tautology?

    Come on; you’re just going for a higher (lower?) readability level….

    Posted by Ted  on  12/09/07  at  08:52 AM

  5. “Well,” he quips, “looks like someone bit off more than he could Jew.”

    ROFL!  You just made my day, DOF!  I guess we’re both going to hell then.  I’ll bring the beer.

    Posted by Paul Sunstone  on  12/10/07  at  03:04 PM

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