How about an SUV?
My old minivan gets about 21mpg in town, but it’s getting about time to replace it. Since I never drive off-road, and seldom carry more than two passengers, a sensible car would be a good choice. Too bad car buying isn’t usually a rational process.
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How about an SUV – a really big one? Yeah! That would show ‘em. All those little cars, like Ford Tauruses or Toyota Avalons – would scatter when they see me coming. I could sit up high and see way down the road, when I’m not talking on my cell phone. And if I ever got in a collision, too bad for the other guy.
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Of course, the guy behind me couldn’t see anything around my SUV, either. But he should buy an SUV too if he wants to see what’s up ahead. What a weenie. He deserves to be walled in by real cars driven by real Americans.
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I know 15 of the 19 hijackers came from Saudi Arabia, and some peaceniks say that oil money supports terrorists. But that’s what the Department of Homeland Security is for. Besides, if anyone messes with us, we’ll bomb them until they don’t hate us anymore! If we can find them. Too bad for the innocent people they hide with.
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Recently I saw on TV how SUV’s aren’t really safer than weenie-cars, how they roll over, cause broken necks, and kill people in other cars. Then last month, two studies said the same thing. But I’d FEEL safer in an SUV, and how I feel is much more important than road safety or national security. Those anti-SUV people should just get a life. Which they can keep until they run into my SUV – Hah!
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Think I should get the onboard navigation system? How about the DVD player? How big are the drink holders? I like big drink holders… POSTSCRIPT: president of my fan club writes a response to this editorial! ¶ 10:13 AM