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To:  McDonald’s strategic suits

December 13, 2006

From: a customer

It looked OK in the picture: eggs, cheese, bacon, and a grilled “English muffin” (which a pair of Mormon missionaries from England once assured me is a complete misnomer).  It should be edible so long as one has the foresight to request the omission of that congealed driveway-spackle you call “cheese”.

As a side note, write down this word: “Cheddar”.  Look it up.  Your customers will thank you.

But even without the cheese-like substance, the muffin was soggy, and had raisins in it!  What the hell were you thinking?  I like raisins, but where on Earth did you get the idea that raisins go with bacon and eggs?

Maybe, not on Earth.  Under those corporate suits, are you aliens?  Perhaps you should learn more about the food that Earthlings eat when not driven by starvation.  Which, I would certainly have to be, afore I ever consume another “McGriddle sandwich”.

Categories: Food, Reviews
  1. December 13, 2006 at 09:59 | #1

    I long ago gave up on anything that McD’s sells in English Muffins (their biscuit sandwiches are more edible). 

    For that matter, avoid anything that involves dipping vaguely maple-flavored (or at least -colored) high-fructose corn syrup.

    The hash browns, though … mmmmmmm …

  2. December 13, 2006 at 11:45 | #2

    Ever tried this type of Monte Christo sandwich?

    Odd and yummy.

  3. December 14, 2006 at 13:07 | #3

    I recommend giving up McD’s all together.  Their food is so insanely gross I seriously cannot fathom why anyone eats it.

  4. December 14, 2006 at 15:39 | #4

    I will confess to being in love with McD’s insanely gross food.  Hot grease and salt—with a diet soda to wash it down.  Yum.

    I do practice moderation, though.

  5. December 14, 2006 at 16:01 | #5

    Hot grease and salt—with a diet soda to wash it down.  Yum.

    It does sound tempting I will give you that.

    My problem with fastfood is that I read Fast Food Nation.  If you like fast food, do not read that book, it will ruin it for you!

  6. December 14, 2006 at 16:29 | #6

    Fast food often misses one of the essential food groups – BCBs (burnt crunchy bits).

  7. December 14, 2006 at 18:51 | #7

    OMG … raisins?  I have pretty much sworn of Mickey D … partly because of their “performance” on transfats (they can do it in Europe but can’t do it in NA… huh?), but also because five 9s of the time … THE “FOOD” SUCKS!

    It was with a great deal of anticipation and excitement I bought my first McGriddle several years ago.  I absolutely, positively LOVE maple syrup.  The only better liquid in the world is a super-high-end single malt scotch.  Way different, of course.

    Then … I bit into a McGriddle.  My stomach turned.  My face contorted.  I was in the most altered, confused state of mind I have ever been in, and for someone who used work as a freakin’ domestic missionary organization, that’s telling.

    I had heard that MacDonalds tests recipes to death, for ages, before they bring a new item to market.

    Let me tell you, THE TASTE TESTERS ARE NOW ALL ZOMBIES.  Go to freakin’ H-E-double hockey sticks, Mickey.  YOU are what is wrong with America.

    :D

  8. December 14, 2006 at 18:59 | #8

    Monte Christo sandwich does sound interesting, but odd.  Thing is, if you took a fresh Foster’s English Muffin from SanFrancisco, adorned it with a couple slices of bacon, a fresh scrambled egg, and a slice of extra-sharp cheddar, you’d really have something.  Wonder if that’s the prototype of the McGriddle, and what I had (but did not finish) was the production model?

    No symptoms of zombific… Braiiiins!!!  :ahhh:

    (I really need to photoshop me up a zombie smilie)

  9. December 14, 2006 at 21:38 | #9

    If you are going to combine eggs with “English muffins”, then just do eggs Benedict (with REAL hollandaise) and be done with it.  A marvelous variation is the Swedish version ….  smoked salmon instead of ham.  Quite, quite yummy.

  10. December 15, 2006 at 09:31 | #10

    I had heard that MacDonalds tests recipes to death, for ages, before they bring a new item to market.

    McD’s spends about a year just on the design of the happy meal containers, and take out boxes.  I can’t imagine how long they spend on the food.

    <blockquote>A marvelous variation is the Swedish version ….  smoked salmon instead of ham. <blockquote>
    That sounds damn good, and way better than a McGriddle ever has!

  11. December 15, 2006 at 19:04 | #11

    Webs: Yup, the “Swedish eggs benedict” is very, very wonderfulness.

    One of my high school classmates was formerly the Exec. VP of marketing for MacDonalds.  (No, he really IS a good guy, let’s not go down that road …)

    I’ll ask him about where the train came off the tracks.

  12. December 16, 2006 at 09:42 | #12

    From my friend the former McD’s exec:

    Your closing line once again proves the adage- taste is on the the tongue of the beholder.

    The McMuffin contains cheese.  Nothing else, not even processed, just cheese.  Look it up at McDonald’s website.

    Secondly, although I agree with your maple syrup reference, the McGriddle is one of the most successful new product launches for McD’s.  I happened to be in Oak Brook during the test phase and the normal consumer totally disagrees with us. It got off the chart scores for taste.

    Which gets us to the second adage- you can’t shoot low enough when estimating the taste of the average American consumer.”

  13. December 16, 2006 at 11:08 | #13

    I concur—while there are things McD’s serves I really don’t care for, the same is true for most restaurants (fast food and not).  That McD’s remains hugely successful, internationally, seems to indicate the train is still on the tracks, no matter what we think about the condition of the smoking cars …

  14. December 16, 2006 at 11:35 | #14

    The McMuffin contains cheese.  Nothing else, not even processed, just cheese.  Look it up at McDonald’s website.

    I am certain it fits in the technical definition of “cheese”, but it should be a clue that the cheese in question can be mistaken for anything other than cheese. 

    Cheese worth using as food has flavor.  Otherwise it’s just gooey, fatty stuff.

  15. December 16, 2006 at 13:07 | #15

    Of course, there are some cultures that consider the whole concept of cheese (curdled, spoiled, even moldy milk) to be repulsive, so it’s all relative.

  16. December 16, 2006 at 17:53 | #16

    I agree on the cheese.  The fact that just about everyone thinks it is processed is telling.  The other thing is, McD may have their very own special definition of the word “cheese”.

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