Decrepit Old Fool

The funniest thing anybody ever said to me

Many years ago my brother and I were driving from Washington State to San Francisco, and stopped to camp in Northern Califrnia.  As night fell we crawled into the small tent among the majestic pines that towered above us.  It was too cold to sleep in the open, but there is something profoundly restful about sleeping among the trees.

Sometime after midnight, we heard something moving around our campsight.  It was a large animal – a bear! looking for snacks.

What to do?  The moonlit silhouette of the animal’s back briefly passed the corner of the tent.  Were we in danger?  We lay silent, our hearts pounding.  My brother leaned his head over toward me and whispered quietly;

“I’d give my left nut for a .357!”

The ice in my veins broken, I suppressed a giggle, and dug into my coat pocket for some firecrackers and a lighter.  My brother figured out what I was up to and slowly unzipped the tent flap.

The flame of the lighter seemed like a searchlight as the fuse began to sputter.  I tossed the firecrackers through the flap as the silence and tension were ripped by the flash and pounding noise.

We jumped out of our sleeping bags and looked outside.  The bear had probably set a world record 300-yard dash.  Would it return?  We didn’t wait to find out.  One minute later we were dressed, and in two more minutes our tent was rolled up with bags inside, in the back seat of the car, and we were heading down the dark highway, laughing our heads off.

How funny a statement is really depends on context.  In the context of fear and anxiety, my brother’s quip was completely hilarious.  It was maybe 35 years ago and I still chuckle over it.

Oh yeah… about the picture.  I saw these signs up in the local hippie coffee house. A parody of the GunsSaveLife.com ‘Burma-Shave’ signs, I could spend an hour discussing them logically, but I can’t stop laughing. 

Notes:

• If the picture is difficult to read, the signs say; Tell your senators | When he/she runs | Ban the selfishness | And you won’t need the guns | Lovesaveslife.you.

• I can’t figure out why the hippies in question here didn’t make it “lovesaveslife.com” and actually register a domain instead of using the silly, fictional ‘lovesaveslife.you’ which isn’t even a real top-level domain.  Seems they missed an opportunity to go on at length with their dreamy-eyed naivete.