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Review of Narnia: Lion, Witch, Wardrobe

December 29, 2005

The Mrs & I went to see Narnia (Lion, Witch, Wardrobe) this evening, and it was pretty good (OK, it would have been totally mind-blowing twenty years ago).  So I’ll add my observations to the chorus of other reviews that I have seen:

  • How did “The Professor” (who was really quite a jovial fellow) find himself saddled with such an unpleasant housekeeper?

  • I now understand the person who said; “I started to read the book once, but gave up when it became clear the four children would not meet a grisly end”
  • In particular, I wanted to feed the one named Lucy to the wolves, then stand and watch
  • Speaking of wolves, If I’m holding a massive, razor-sharp sword, any conversation I have with a trash-talking wolf will be very brief
  • Movie children are immune to hypothermia
  • Special effects were quite invisible.  So far as one could tell, the movie featured a cast of actual mythical creatures with no special effects
  • After decades of cinematic aliens, we’re not so impressed with wierd characters anymore
  • If beavers could talk, they’d be hard-working common blokes who bicker with their spouses
  • The Phoenix, though a cameo character, was the coolest, followed by the Griffin
  • Despite the disclaimer toward the end, Aslan did seem pretty tame
  • I liked Liam Neeson better as Alfred Kinsey
  • A cheetah can run only slightly faster than a horse, at least in Narnia
  • I kept expecting to hear the White Witch say “Resistance is futile: you will be assimilated”.  Not the same actress, but she certainly had the ‘Evil Queen’ thing down solid
  • Anyone who misses the clumsy symbolism in the movie is either a dolt or is completely innocent of Christian mythology
  • At the end after they blow up the Death Star, uh, I mean after Aslan kills the witch (Sorry, that was a spoiler there, wasn’t it?), I missed Princess Leia handing out the medallions

If you have very young children, discuss scary movies with them before going and make a determination if they can make it all the way through.  There are no gory scenes but a couple spots that are a bit tough on sensitive kids (the couple next to us had to miss most of the movie because the children were scared).

Compared to Lord Of The Rings, this is pretty thin stuff. I enjoyed it, though, and I’ll certainly go see the sequals.

Notes:


REVIEWS:

Categories: Movies, Reviews
  1. December 30, 2005 at 01:06 | #1

    “If you have very young children, discuss scary movies with them before going and make a determination if they can make it all the way through.  There are no gory scenes but a couple spots that are a bit tough on sensitive kids (the couple next to us had to miss most of the movie because the children were scared).”

    Agreed.  My 5.5y found a number of places (mostly the chase scenes with the wolves) a bit intense—“I would like to leave this movie now”—for her, but we persevered, and ultimately she was glad to have made it through.

    “In particular, I wanted to feed the one named Lucy to the wolves, then stand and watch”

    I actually found Lucy in this rendition a lot less awful than in the book (indeed, I’ll advance the blasphemy that, on balance, I prefer the movie to the book).

    “I missed Princess Leia handing out the medallions.”

    Well, heck, they got crowns, so that’s a nice consolation.

  2. December 30, 2005 at 17:31 | #2

    You’ve been tagged for this meme. ;-)

  3. Aleximus
    January 9, 2006 at 17:52 | #3

    I was actually a bit wary of seeing this movie because of the overt christian mythology. However, the whole Aslan resurrection-thing seemed more in tune with all the other “winter king” myths than with christianity.  There were other things that kept bugging me throughout:
    1. how did the badgers pronounce the letter “P” (or have any sort of vocal capability?  I kept looking at their lips….
    2. What did Aslan eat?  I try not to eat critters that I’ve given names to, but how could you eat something that speaks? (unless they were the cows in the Restaurant at the End of the Universe (Douglas Adams Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe)
    3. Why was Edmund the only creature that was wounded?
    4.  Why did the girls need to change into “medieval” dresses?
    5. Where does Santa Claus fit into the whole affair?

    Altogether, even when one thinks of it as a kids’ book the inconsistencies, logic gaps and plain stupidity really made it nothing more than “Plan 9 from Outer Space” but with better special effects.

    Cheers

    Aleximus

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