Home > News > “Fair & Balanced™”?  You report, Bill.  We’ll decide.

“Fair & Balanced™”?  You report, Bill.  We’ll decide.

October 19, 2005

Note to Bill O’Reilly (and the rest of Fox News): let others apply adjectives to you.  If you report and we decide, that means we get to decide if you are “Fair & Balanced™” or not.  You aren’t doing yourself any favors by repeating the phrase ten times an hour.

To help you understand how it works, imagine a comedian who prefaces each gag by telling you that he is funny, and that the joke he is about to tell, is also funny.  Comedians get a reputation for being funny by being funny, not by saying “I am funny.”

“Good evening, everybody!  Welcome to my show – I’m Bob, the Funny™ comedian, with the Funny™ jokes the elite mainstream comedians just won’t deliver.  Now here’s a Funny™ joke:  Hey, why did the chicken cross the road?  Anyone?  TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE!!!  Haw Haw Haw!  Wasn’t that Funny™?!!  That’s just the kind of jokes you get with Bob, the Funny™ comedian…

I only know one case in recorded human history of a commentator’s self-description pulling any weight; The Best Web Page in the Universe.  But Bill; what works for Maddox does not necessarily work for you.

Categories: News
  1. WeeDram
    October 20, 2005 at 06:18 | #1

    Almost invariably, the more frequently and vociferously someone makes such statements, the more certain we can be they know it isn’t true.  Basic psychology.  No, I’m not a psychologist, but I am thinking about staying at a Holiday Inn Express.

  2. Frumpa
    October 25, 2005 at 04:57 | #2

    Your post there is pure gold DoF and i’d hope that you actually sent that in to Fox news,though they’re probably oblivious and would dismiss it as flaming…bet the junior reporters and folk in the mailroom know and believe this…must be painful trying to earn a living some places in the U.S!

  3. October 29, 2005 at 20:31 | #3

    Just when I was starting to think that human intelligence was an oxymoron, you come along and show me that there’s still hope.

    Thank you for this post. This goes hand in hand with one of my favorite and often-repeated sayings that, anyone who prefaces his argument/statement by saying that he is about to tell you the truth about something, is probably lying. He is either lying in fact or in substance (the degree to which his argument is proof positive). If otherwise, then why the attempt to prejudice the listener’s judgment?

Comments are closed.