Home > Uncategorized > In which Tim Wildmon, American Family Association president, helps me buy a lawnmower

In which Tim Wildmon, American Family Association president, helps me buy a lawnmower

July 10, 2011

I’d hardly distinguish myself from other men by saying that I truly hate mowing the lawn. It just seems like a terrible waste of time when I could be watching box sets of long-canceled TV series or something.

But then my lawnmower started making impractical-to-repair noises that added “shopping for a lawnmower” to the list of things I’d rather not be doing. You can get lawnmowers at lots of stores; what distinguishes one from another? And that’s when Tim Wildmon, Family-Values hero, stepped in to help solve my dilemma. I get their American Family Association letter by email, and they warn me about all kinds of threats to traditional families. Including, but not limited to Gay Marriage:

Dear George,

The nation’s largest pro-homosexual activist group, Human Rights Campaign (HRC), credited Home Depot for helping it pass gay marriage in New York State last week.

Home Depot says it is honored to support HRC calling it the “most aggressive state legislative advocacy campaign ever,” HRC it pumped more than $1 million into the effort. Just after the gay marriage bill passed, HRC issued an email asking “What was the secret weapon behind this incredible achievement?” It went on to say that “a group of dedicated HRC Partners who fueled the fight for marriage equality by providing the resources.”

Home Depot is one of those HRC “partners.” HRC’s secret weapon in passing gay marriage was Home Depot! Home Depot’s own website says it “is honored to say we support” HRC and other pro-gay marriage groups.

Over one-half million people have signed a pledge to boycott The Home Depot until it agrees to remain neutral in the culture and political war over homosexual marriage.

It is very important that you forward this alert to your friends and family members.


Tim Wildmon, President
American Family Association

Ah! Well that simplifies things considerably. If not for Tim Wildmon’s constant worry about the homosexual menace, I would never have known that Home Depot supports marriage equality. Thanks, Tim Wildmon!

Off to Home Depot I went, found a nice lawnmower from the same company that made my car, and went home to behead innocent little blades of grass.


Categories: Uncategorized
  1. July 10, 2011 at 07:36 | #1

    Poor innocent grass! See, this is yet another thing teh evul gay marriage haz destroyed!

    Seriously, though, Home Depot rose quite a bit in my eyes just then. Might have to celebrate by buying something there this afternoon. They’ve got some fabulous real-stone tiles….

  2. July 10, 2011 at 07:38 | #2

    That a boy George!

  3. Kay
    July 10, 2011 at 11:36 | #3

    found a nice lawnmower from the same company that made my car

    I’m pretty sure I own that same lawnmower – and boy does it do a good job at beheading the grass. :) (I don’t own the car anymore. After a very long and happy life dedicated to moving me from point A to point B it had to be mercifully euthanized.)

  4. Karen
    July 10, 2011 at 13:24 | #4

    Hmmm, maybe I’ll drop by Home Depot and get some charcoal. I’ve been reluctant to go through the pain of cleaning the grill this summer, but I do feel a need to say “thank-you” to HD; perhaps I’ll let this be the push I need to get going.

    Re: beheading the grass: when we remodeled our house a few years ago, the process trashed the lawns both front and back. When we re-landscaped, we said, “Hey! let’s have less grass! Just a couple of patches among the shrubs! Then it’ll be quick and easy to maintain, and we’ll use much, much less water!” So we did. But… NOT grass — shrubs, flower beds, veggies — require WEEDING. And weeding in clay soil is much, much harder than just running the lawn mower around over the grass. So, in retrospect, it was a very questionable decision (though it does save an awful lot of water).

  5. July 10, 2011 at 14:52 | #5

    Most fun that afternoon was riding in a ‘seat up high, off the road’ delivery truck!

    Great service, letting you rent the flatbed for an hour so we could get the big box home.

  6. July 10, 2011 at 14:58 | #6

    Speaking of Lawn Care

    a woman in Michigan has a court date for planting a vegetable garden between her house and the street

  7. WeeDram
    July 10, 2011 at 19:42 | #7

    Now can HD fix their customer service? I tried to buy mulch there this year. TWICE the clerk called for someone to load the 20 bags into my truck. Never happened; a total of 40+ minutes was wasted. I went to the customer service desk, explained that no, I did not want someone to complete the transaction. I would just like my money back and I would go where someone cared.

    All-in-all I bought 63 bags of mulch at Lowes this summer.

    I applaud HD for their support of equality, but on the ground they’ve failed me this year.

  8. dof
    July 11, 2011 at 08:25 | #8

    No doubt it’s a leadership issue; I’m sure every chain has that problem at some locations. I’ve been in there a few times now and every time the service at our location has been excellent. The people are really friendly and go out of their way to help.

    Only one solution; you have to drive to Normal, Illinois to go to HD. Then you could visit us too!

  9. July 11, 2011 at 21:54 | #9

    I always knew you were a subversive, George. This confirms it.

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