Home > Uncategorized > An open letter to “talking on cellphone while driving a loaded dumptruck” guy

An open letter to “talking on cellphone while driving a loaded dumptruck” guy

May 9, 2011

Dear guy,
You might not realize that we saw you today, talking on a cell phone while executing a left turn onto Fort Jesse Road going East, driving a dump truck fully loaded with dirt.

Don’t worry, I understand. You were packing eighty thousand pounds of steel and dirt, and even the biggest, baddest SUV in the world wouldn’t mean diddly to you in a collision. Hell, you could take on a school bus and barely even feel it. You’re the king of the street and anyone with any sense at all will just stay the hell out of your way.

But if you did know that someone saw you, it’s possible you would worry about being thought unusually irresponsible at the wheel of a ginormous truck in an equivalent condition to .08 blood alcohol. It could seriously mess with your image as a good person, a good family man, or even as a good American.

Again, don’t worry; I’ve got your back here. If those whining Nervous Nellies think you don’t have a good reason to give less than full attention to herding a vehicle that is capable of crushing any modern car like a Dixie cup, I can explain it to them. It’s very simple really: you were standing up for your freedom. For everyone’s freedom including theirs, in fact.

You weren’t saying that your conversation was more important than the lives of the mother and her children in that minivan in front of you – that would be silly! No, your statement was bigger than life: you stand tall for the freedom to live like nothing bad can ever happen because you didn’t mean for it to.

America’s economy depends on that attitude. Nobody believes the executives who pushed the BP Macondo Prospect well until it exploded meant to spill millions of gallons of oil into the gulf of Mexico. Or that the owners of Massey Coal intended to kill 29 miners at the Upper Big Branch Mine.  Or that the beef producer who uses antibiotics to fatten up his cattle wants to create unstoppable bacteria that could bring down some toddler in under a day.  He’s just living the dream, making a profit and cutting a heroic figure against the sky, like the entrepreneur that he is.

Don’t give in, guy. Don’t listen to those hand-wringers and pearl clutchers; you probably won’t have an accident and even if you do, your insurance company will put the blame on whoever you crushed. Because there are always two sides to any story, and as the survivor you get to tell both of them.

You like lawyers, don’t you? They’re here to help you live like a real Free American. With their help you can just not give a damn about anyone or anything.

Besides, millions of other Americans do it. You see them all the time, yakking, texting, sitting at green lights while the people behind them honk their horns. Enough with the liberals and their concerns already. Just because your vehicle weighs more than twenty times what an average car does, is hardly reason for anyone to expect you to make the sacrifice.

All I can say is; for your sake there better not be anything to that old “karma” concept. Because if there is, you could end up running from it for a long, long time. Just sayin’.

Sincerely, a couple people in a regular car. Who saw you.

(And before anyone asks, no; I didn’t get a license number.)

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. WeeDram
    May 10, 2011 at 06:27 | #1

    Karma is not a “concept”. It’s the LAW. :D

  2. May 10, 2011 at 06:50 | #2

    In my province, talkng on a phone while driving is illegal, but people do it anyway. And I can always spot them instantly when I’m driving, because THEY drive like they’re drunk.

    A few months back, I walked by the aftermath of a dump truck hitting a pedestrian, in downtown Ottawa. In that case, it was actually the pedestrian who had been at fault; the driver was not charged. But suffice to say, when dump truck meets human, human loses. The pedestrian died.

    We all need to be a lot more careful when behind the wheel. Dump trucks in particular are thousands of pounds potential killing machine!

  3. May 10, 2011 at 08:02 | #3

    Methinks your post this morning is frame-worthy, George.

  4. May 10, 2011 at 11:13 | #4

    Chances are 50-50 that the plate was readable anyway.


  5. May 10, 2011 at 12:09 | #5

    Too bad you didn’t get plate. These things need to be reported.

  6. Karen
    May 10, 2011 at 15:44 | #6

    In my state it’s illegal to text and drive, but that doesn’t keep people from doing it, alas. Like you, I can spot them on the road; they do drive like they’re drunk.

    My husband just graduated truck-driving school, and his previously healthy respect for the giant things has become enormous. Neither of us will text and drive, or even hands-free talk on the phone and drive (legal in our state). It’s just too distracting.

    It really is a pity you didn’t get the license number, but that can be hard to do!

  7. May 11, 2011 at 15:27 | #7

    It really is a pity you didn’t get the license number, but that can be hard to do!

    Trying to avoid being crushed by a wandering dump truck can be distracting, too, I suppose.

    Using a cell phone while driving (at least without the hands-free attachment) is illegal in my state, too. People still do it. It’s hard to ignore the damn things when they ring. I guess some folks find it too hard.

  8. May 13, 2011 at 16:55 | #8

    Found you through Paul’s site. You know these guys can’t or won’t read right? So they never get this kind of feedback, at least not on the Internet. I do imagine them lamenting, “Why do these things happen to me?” after they run into another car, bldg, or Gawd forbid person.

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