Important note from the Normal Police Department
I think this message was meant for the Uptown Normal Business Association but it got forwarded around and somehow ended up in my inbox. I am therefore sharing it with you. Julius Assange, eat your heart out!
Sunday January 23rd the Chicago Bears and Green Bay Packers will play a game in Solider Field. (May the best team win.)
The Normal Police Department is asking that all businesses located in the Uptown be sure all outside furniture and/or sandwich boards are secured. Removal would be preferred. They will monitor the Uptown and encourage the celebrations to remain outside the area but are planning for the overflow of excitement.
If you have any questions or concerns, please contact NPD at (phone number).
The message is well grounded in our town’s experience with riots over the relative fortunes of spheroid-throwing teams. Our town has also had riots over beer. We are, after all, Normal. I guess.