New financial unit of measure: the “TDJ”
I’m tired and grumpy and my shoulder hurts but this has been bugging me. What’s up with that church in Ohio that made a giant metal and fiberglass statue of Jesus? It got hit by lightning and burned to the ground, without hurting the church, and they’re going to rebuild it for a quarter-million bucks.
Yes, you heard me right: they’re going to whip out a stack of Franklins nearly a foot high to build another tacky graven image of Jesus, only this time, fireproof. That’s a lot of simoleons, folks. In fact, I couldn’t resist doing some numbers.
That pile could vaccinate over three thousand kids. It’s a hundred and thirty thousand school lunches. It’s nearly twenty-four thousand hours of teacher assistant pay for overworked teachers trying to handle too many kids. It’s thirty-five thousand HIV tests. It’s more than four thousand solar-powered cell phones for remote villages.
In short, it’s a hell of a lot of “unto the least of these”, and they’re spending it on a statue that directly contradicts scripture? Because I’m pretty sure Moses would be really ticked off about this one. He’d grind it up and make them eat steel and fiberglass.
Early Christians weren’t big on representational art either. The ἰχθύς fish, in addition to being a clever acronym for “Ἰησοῦς Χριστός, Θεοῦ ͑Υιός, Σωτήρ” was also a symbolic abstraction. You could pick up a rock and quickly scratch the shape onto a wall and split before some Roman with a pointy sword showed up.
Oh well, whatever. In any case, I propose a new unit of measurement for non-profit settings: the “TouchDown Jesus”, or TDJ. The cost of any humanitarian thing you want to do can be expressed as a fraction of, or a multiple quantity of TDJ’s.
You can make one hell of a donation to the local food pantry for just a tenth of a TDJ, for instance. A new million-dollar church sanctuary would be four TDJ’s. Or you could fund a local campaign to rid River City of the scourge of pool tables for… well I couldn’t find that figure but it would be worth it, Yessiree!
- A friend of mine, a devout Christian, was watching a news report on the TDJ fire. He saw a woman in the congregation exclaim to the news creature; “Our Lord and Savior burned down!”
- I’ve probably been amused by bizarre units of measure since learning to read 2400 fruit-fly generations or so ago. I wonder how many TDJ’s it would take to study the reason for that?
- I figured a quarter-mil in $100’s would be just under a foot high assuming that the bills were not wrinkled and averaged .004375” thick. That figure I got by measuring eight one-dollar bills (making an assumption that they are the same thickness as hundreds), which came to .035”. If anyone wants to give me an equivalent stack of $100 bills, I’ll repeat the measurements in the pure interest of empirical accuracy.
- I’m not late commenting on this: I’m really, really early commenting on the unveiling of the new, improved fireproof TDJ, I guess.