Hey, Republicans, things aren’t looking so good for you these days. If the polls are right (and you only get a few more days of denial about it) you are about to crash and burn in the next election. And do you know why? Because you’ve been palling around with ideological terrorists and we (the people) are sick of it.
By ‘ideological terrorists’ I mean people who mostly use fear to get what they want. There aren’t really that many of them, but they offered you all their votes in exchange for doing what – and I mean exactly what – they say. You took the bait and now you can’t even suggest that gays are people, or that there may be a more realistic approach to abortion than passing laws against it and just hoping teens won’t find out about sex if we don’t tell them.
They’re terrorists because they threaten awful consequences if people don’t give in to their demands. Not just a bomb in a marketplace, but storms, Earthquakes, volcanoes, even eternal torture. Step out of line just a little bit, and you’re facing the Lake Of Fire In Which You Cannot Die, baby. They’re good at telling this story in lurid detail; they’ve had a lot of practice.
What do they want? To make life miserable for women and gays. And to make sure our economically-vital science education doesn’t contradict the scientific insights of bronze-age nomads. A subset of this bunch even wants the world to end, so Jesus can come back and show off His new flamethrower. All in the name of love, of course. They are the only ‘Real Americans’, and they want you to put their approved candidates in office. Ideological purity is what matters – competence, literally, be damned.
Really now, what are you getting in return for hanging around with these creeps? The election you are about to endure, that’s what. You’ve screwed up big time by putting hypocritical mooks in decision-making positions and you’re reaping the whirlwind now. So I have a few suggestions for you…
First, tell those Hell-dispensing hypocrites to take a hike. We have real, grown-up problems to deal with and we need grown-ups on deck. Make them go form their own political party and stop hijacking yours. (Formerly, mine too, by the way.)
Second, and this may sound a little odd, but go to church. Not the megachurches with the SUV’s in the parking lot, but the ones with Priuses and Obama stickers. The ones you’ve been calling ‘anti-American’. And sit down in the pews and shut up for a change and listen. Notice the sermon isn’t about “Us vs. Them” so much as about building a more constructive world through the Golden Rule that Jesus taught. Notice the absence of war-talk. Notice those two guys in the fourth row, who really seem close to each other, and people are still friends with them? Notice the youth group doesn’t seem to be in training for a Made-Up Global Battle Between Good And Evil? Notice that the pastor is a woman? Yikes! Just sit and take it in. It’s OK, really. These are good people. Of course none of them perfect, just like any other group.
Third, go find some secularists – unchurched people. That’s about sixteen percent of Americans, which is one hell of a large demographic you’ve been demonizing. Again, shut up for a change and listen. Amazingly, they’re not monsters. In fact they’re pretty much like you, once you get over small cultural differences. Some of them stay married for their entire lives, some get divorced, the vast majority work and pay taxes and obey the law. And yes, they do serve their country in the same ways as anyone else. There really are atheists in foxholes. Of course none of them perfect, just like any other group.
Go wandering around. Hang out with some American Muslims and Hindus. They’re pretty much like anyone else. Of course none of them perfect, just like any other group.
It’s America. Or more correctly, The United States Of America, which is a country full of human beings. And we need you to take part in America again, instead of just trying to bully everyone with religious rhetoric. Let God divide the sheep from the goats, if there is a god, and if that dividing needs to be done. You’ve been letting your new friends tear this country apart; pick up needle and thread and let’s start stitching it back together again. Pick candidates who actually know what they’re doing and people might vote for them.
Or what the heck; just go on dispensing hellfire and damnation. We can find out how many elections cycles it will take before you get the message.